Session 479: The Work of Being A Girl Dad with Kier Gaines

Most of Kier Gaines’ therapy clients are women, many of whom are working through difficult relationships with their fathers. This week, Kier and Dr. Joy discuss what a father wound can look like, how it affects daughters in adulthood, and why receiving an apology may not resolve years of hurt. He also shares what he had to learn while raising daughters, from ordering underwear online to recognizing the parts of girlhood he could not anticipate. He and Dr. Joy discuss where attachment research falls short for Black families, how people respond to him as a big, dark-skinned Black man doing tender work in public, and why he is careful when people describe his content as “healing.” Kier’s new book, It All Starts When You Do, is out now. He shares why waiting can become a habit and what it takes to begin before you feel ready. Resources & Announcements Want to reflect on this conversation in community? Join us inside our  Patreon  community where we’re unpacking this episode together. You can now catch episodes of the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on  YouTube . Be sure to subscribe to get new episodes every week.  Did you know you can leave us a voice note with your questions for the podcast? If you have a question you'd like some feedback on, topics you'd like to hear covered, or want to suggest movies or books for us to review, drop us a message at  memo.fm/therapyforblackgirls  and let us know what’s on your mind. We just might share it on the podcast. Grab your copy of  Sisterhood Heals.   Where to Find Our Guest Grab your copy of It All Starts When You Do Check out ( L)earned the Hard Way podcast Instagram   Stay Connected ​ Is there a topic you'd like covered on the podcast? Submit it at  therapyforblackgirls.com/mailbox . If you're looking for a therapist in your area, check out the directory at  https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com/directory . Grab your copy of our guided affirmation and other TBG Merch at  therapyforblackgirls.com/shop . The hashtag for the podcast is  #TBGinSession .   Make sure to follow us on social media: Instagram:  @therapyforblackgirls Facebook:  @therapyforblackgirls   Our Production Team Executive Producers: Dennison Bradford & Gabrielle Collins Director of Podcast & Digital Content: Ellice Ellis Producer: Ndeye Thioubou  Production Assistant: Bria Mosley See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Source: Therapy for Black Girls

Original episode: Watch or listen to the original episode

Original publication date: Wed, 02 Sep 2026 07:00:00 +0000